Holidays.

I'm back in KL now. At least until August. Finished my finals and thank the Lord that I passed all my subjects.

I've been hanging around, meeting up with old friends. Shopping, eating and watching movies everywhere. Waiting for Arika to come back from Kuching so that I can go on a Ladies' Night with her and also together with Suet Mei. I've been going out almost everyday. Can't seem to stay at home cuz' there's nothing much to do except to pig out on snacks and watch TV the whole day.

Anyways,

Yesterday night : Went out with Sarah and Wei-Liem to Pavillion KL for a movie.

Today : Went out to KLCC with Jack Kee.

Tomorrow : Facial appointment and gym at Celebrity Fitness @ Wangsa Walk
Dinner at Uncle Allan's place

Thursday : Lunch with grandparents, aunt and mom.

Friday : No plans yet. (Maybe hang out with Gordo and Fai Fai)




And so on and so forth...

Out of Phase.

My close aunt passed away yesterday morning at 9am due to a condition called Aneurysm (rupture of the blood vessel in the brain). Her death was so sudden that I didn't even get to come home just to see her last days. She was in coma for a few days right after her brain surgery. I had no idea about this until sis told me on the phone on Friday night. Her surgery took place two days before that. My parents intended to hide that from me. For fear of affecting my studies whatever bull crap.

Truth is, my biggest mistake and decision made. Is that I decided to skip church on Friday night just to go to Penang with my friends (without telling my parents). I'm a fat liar. I know. And I did so many stupid things there that night no one else could imagine. I blame myself for it. I blame myself for that decision. I blame that if I haven't had gone to Penang and skipped church, God wouldn't have taken my aunt away. If only I mentioned about my aunt's condition in prayer meeting sooner, I wouldn't have lost her. I should have paid more attention on what's going on. Instead of fulfilling my selfish worldly desires all the time. Why did I waste my weekend by not going back to see her?

I'm really sad now ya know. I skipped my morning classes right after I heard the news. I couldn't sleep at all the night before and true enough the something terrible happened the next morning. I couldn't focus during my lab session in the afternoon. I wasn't really being myself when I was with my friends. I insulted Sanjay for whatever reason (I don't really remember what was the conversation about or was there even a conversation??) I lashed out at Gordon in Facebook. I shouted at Sandave that I didn't want to talk to him anymore in the middle of our conversation while he was trying to help me at that time. I really didn't mean all that to happen. It's just that, she was really close to me and she really cared a lot about me. I love her and I just couldn't believe that she left us all just like that. She is a very nice lady.

Look, whatever that I might have said that hurt you or insulted you, I'm really sorry. I wasn't really feeling well at all. And I don't mean it. I'm very sensitive now. So please... Just bear with me for a few days k? I'm going back to KL for the funeral on Wednesday.

Finally with Fast Internet Connection.

I've lost touch with blogging and writing. I'm sure my readers have gotten tired of waiting for my update. I'm sorry. Because almost every time when I want to write something, it has to be something emo. I used to want to write about where I went and what I did, uploading pictures and stuff. That touch ain't there anymore. Maybe it's cuz' of the uploading thingy, I'm kinda lazy for that.

Ah well, no one's reading my blog anymore right? So I guess it's kinda okay for me to write again here. I treat this place as my solitude. A friend that I can just talk to without having to get any remarks or feedback. But if you guys are still reading this, I'm sorry to say but it's gonna be 90% emo stuff. "Why isn't this girl happy all the time?" I wish to answer that question. I'm happy at times. I'm happy when I'm with my girlfriends. I'm happy when I'm with my best friend (well, not all the time). I'm happy when I go shopping (only when I'm loaded and not fat). Basically I'm okay la. It's just that now is the time when there is something called the Bug Season. You don't get to see this kind of green bug in KL because it's only in places with padi fields. So now is their season to loiter in gangs in our rooms and hostels. Which is really really really annoying. The worst thing is, they bite. They left my swells and scars and blood. Now this is the phase which I am going through and I am not happy with it at all. I just wish to fly back to KL until this Bug Season is over. I have attacks in my hostel every night. Screw you all la.

I'm not getting any attention from Sandave at all. Probably it's because of his exam. I try not to think about it, but it's making me curious. It was his birthday yesterday and I wasn't back in KL to celebrate it with him. For two years consecutively. It sucks. And I feel lonely. He's not giving me the attention I crave for. But if he gives me too much then I'll think that he's controlling me like shit. I don't know what I want. Maybe I want his company near me. We're 6 hours drive away from each other. Because of the lack of attention, I then seek it from my best friend, Gordon. But he's currently busy showing attention to someone else and it would not be nice to interfere. Gah, I'm such an attention seeker. But hey, it applies to myself seeking attention from certain people only. Like those mentioned. So don't think I'm an attention seeker. Contradicting to what Gordon might think.

What the hell is wrong with me?? I have an Entrepreneurship exam coming up by the end of this week and I haven't started at all. I am so left behind with tonnes of lectures to revise but I don't have the drive to do it. I don't wanna fail any subject for this coming CA. Let alone sitting for a supplementary paper. Oh please. Don't. Let. That. Happen.

Study study study! Stop grieving on your miserable life, Michelle. Why do you have to be such a scumbag. Get up already! You don't even go jogging anymore for pete's sake! *cries*

I have no motivation to myself.

God ain't speaking clearly to me anymore.

=(

Of Complaints.

Why do I have to get "cha-ed" for the good things that I do? Almost everynight in my room I curl up on my bed not feeling happy...

Why is it that when I need someone to talk to you are always not answering my calls? It is either you are too busy doing something or sleeping. Takkan you don't have time for me meh? =(

I wanna blog and express out all my innermost feelings but I am just too afraid that some information might leak out somewhere or worse, could it be that my dad has been stalking my blog all along? NO WAY I DON'T WANT THAT TO EVER HAPPEN TO ME.

Bugger, I have a report due tomorrow and I have not got a single clue on what to write. I have to come out with a proposal soon for my upcoming Rotaract project right after convo.

Somebody just needs to stop acting so sweet and nice but turns out to be a complete bitch behind the scenes. No, not just you, but a few. Stop being bitches. So not up to standard.

And stop telling me that whatever I write in this blog is childish or harsh or whatsoever. It's my blog and I can write whatever I want whenever I want wherever I want!

Blogging Again @ the Aimst Cyber Cafe

Here I am sitting in front of an old computer in the Cyber Cafe of my good ol' varsity. It's good to be in touch with what's happening around but this time I don't think I'm really a fond of being "famous" socially like how I was. It wasnt' very pleasant though.

So far so good. Yesterday was our first day of orientation week and it was long and boring. However it ended in the afternoon so I had time to return to my apartment for a nap. But I had one of those severe menstrual cramps again so I had to lay in bed and moan and groan and roll and flip and yadayada. Nicole came over and talked for a while but after that she handed me some paracetamol and I had to continue sleeping. I skipped my lunch, so she bought me a bun to keep me from being hungry. So sweet of her. Love you!

Went to CF at night and I was so surprised that about 70% of the members are doing their Foundation studies this year. Wow. Really big group. But anyhow after CF I went up to Nicole's apartment and hung out with the gang until 1.05am.

I got up at 7.45am. But I only managed to drag myself out of bed at 8.25am. Got dressed and went down for breakfast. Then Nicole, Sang and I decided to hang around at Central Square and do some shopping, since there is no orientation for the day. Right. I wore a black MNG basics tank top and a black quarter pants. I got stopped by a guard. He told me in front of all the students, passers by and pedestrians that I cannot wear like that. I told him that I AM NOT GOING TO ENTER THE BUILDING. But he kept nagging me until I got fed up I just walked away. I AM PISSED THAT AIMST IS STILL AS CONSERVATIVE AS EVER! Or maybe even becoming more conservative. Argh!

So that left me to hunt for an overcoat at CS. Unfortunately I didn't get to buy any overcoat at all. But ended up getting myself a nice pair of black skinny jeans, a pair of black pumps and a GC belt. Simple and nice. Hmmn.

I shouldn't be wasting money. My shopaholic habit is not done with me yet. Shoo!

Wanting the declaration of freedom from Aimst,

Milo.

Back Again.

Alas, I'm blogging again. God knows how long have I been abandoning this blog. But then again, I'm back in Aimst again. This time doing my degree and I'm gonna be here for the next 5 years or so. Doing my bachelor in Dental Surgery (BDS).

I got here around 11 something in the morning. Started my journey after sending my sister to school. Okay let's not talk about my day and all.

I'm depressed. Like, really really depressed. Not because I'm coming back to Aimst to do dentistry. I'm grateful that God gave me a chance to come back and further my studies, otherwise I wouldn't know where else to go. I'm sad because I miss my pie. I'm sad because I just realized how rotten I treated my parents while I was back in KL and now they are sacrificing so much for me just to get me back on track. I just took too long to realize how much they've done. I'm sad because everything is so uncertain. Yes, the future is very very unpredictable. Especially how the way I see it. And then how my lecturers are gonna be like? That's another concern. Because the degree programme is so much more different than foundation. Also, will I be able to adapt well once again here? For the next five years? I'm so fed up with my insecurities that I just wish to roll them up into a ball and chuck them into the drain. Yes, I think a lot. And one thing that I am so frustrated about is the bloody bugs that are loitering around my room! I've killed about a fifty of them by now. Is it even bug season? They just can't seem to leave me alone, can they? The scars which they left on my skin last year have faded, and now they're gonna come back. My skin ain't good at all. So it's gonna get really sensitive once I get my scratchy hands on them. And I don't have a broom in the house. Gah...

Alright I think I better get to bed. My first day of orientation week starts tomorrow at 8am. Good night peepz and do pray for me ya? Thanks.

Wishes that God would guide everything for her,

Milo

Specless.

Okay, recently I got myself contact lens.

And this is how I look like.

Yikes!

Total korean / japanese!